An Ode to Amma

My mother is a very sensitive person. She will watch movies and cry, but she will also get emotionally involved in a story you tell her. She is also an extremely religious person. Although, she stopped imposing those beliefs upon me after a certain point. She is someone who can hear a song, and guess its raagam. She will be on long conversations with her sisters about almost nothing, and always have a presence of mind. She also has a very strong memory. This means she will remember the outfit, words spoken, and even the ambience of any old incidents.

She is a brilliant Veena player, and a very emotional person. She has told me she used to play the Veena even during times of stress. She is someone who is very open about her flaws and insecurities. As I grew up, she told me to beyond her own flaws and even the ones I come up with. She is highly optimistic, and on a day to day level dreams up about a wonderful future. All the while living a simple life of her own choosing.

When I was a teenager, she spoke to me about how inferiority complex builds in our minds. A lot of times she also has been receptive to my own understanding and psychological conclusions about conditioning. I have even pointed out flaws in her style of parenting towards me, and she openly accepted them without being defensive. That itself humbled me.

As I grew up, she understood the value of space. And gave that to me.

My mother works as a clerk in a bank. She is a cashier by designation. As she regularly faced customers who have a lot of times screamed the worst to her face, she spoke to me about how she tackled them over the years.

She once told me, “If a customer says something terrible to me, I would ask them to sit and be back in five minutes. I would slowly count the cash and would take that pause to control myself from reacting. I would always want to be responsive and not react. Once that is done, I would ask them to come back to the counter and complete the transaction.”

She also said, “Over the years I have seen a lot of different people through the counter. I have understood the different lives people live.”

From all her conversations I understood that my mother grew in terms of depth more than anything else. As someone who did not really love herself a lot, she put up a gracious fight with criticisms from complete strangers. She also made many good friends through the years by just doing her job for them.

She once told me her own personal insecurities and how she viewed herself even physically. Being on the darker side, in her generation, and also someone who has a wide set of teeth she was not easily accepted as beautiful.

For me my mother is a very beautiful person. For me, her beauty has only been growing with age, and she also is getting younger with age. And she is heavily endowed with emotional intelligence that I have always been surprised by.

Why am I writing an ode to her? I recently understood how emotional I am, and how easily criticism shakes me. If at the age of 59 she is able to still deal with such strangers regularly. And she deals with them with complete calm and presence of mind.

With all the differences we both have, I am truly blessed to have a mother who is so versatile, empathetic, and also very loving.

:)