Last Words

Something in me has died. I don’t know what it is. can’t explain even if I tried.

But the other day someone called out my name. I was at a café waiting for my order and they said my name out loud once the order was ready. And suddenly something inside me went, “Who is that?”

After that I’ve had to make a conscientious effort to remind myself of the identity that I exist as. I don’t think I have lost my memory. My memory is pretty much intact. But there is now a disconnect. But I’d like to call it a disillusionment.

One of the best autobiographies I have ever read so far is of George Carlin called the Last Words. America’s greatest comedian. Rather the world’s greatest comedian.

In his autobiography he leaves no stones unturned. He discloses everything about himself and it is very humbling to see someone as intelligent and “successful” as him writing about his life that way.

I rediscovered some of his old audio tapes. In one of them he says how he feels he is “bigger than the universe, equal to the universe and smaller than the universe.”

He says how he believes in the democracy of atoms. And that is the true democracy. In the following video he puts it spectacularly the concept of advaitavaad and how religion exploits.

https://youtu.be/vUrs5obRYrU

What has died in me? I don’t know. Really I feel all the emotions a human being usually feels. Happiness, sadness etc. But there is something that has left.

It is not a void as one feels. It is rather a subtle emptiness in a “good” way, if one has to add adjectives.

And also his views on individuality is very wonderful.

He says how there is no difference between you and a “cigarette butt.” You have to applaud his choice of words. So authentic. Not that anyone else using a “gulab jamun” as a choice of object isn’t authentic.

But George Carlin’s individuality exists in the way he expresses himself. So unafraid. ☺

https://youtu.be/Xvx6JwO63to