Learning
Exactly 8 days ago my Father had a stroke.
It was 5am Sunday morning and he was already in the middle of it. My mother woke me up in proper panic and I rushed to the room. He was suffering from numbness. The numbness kept going and coming on his right side.
The ‘events' which followed this horrific incident were something I never thought I would be prepared for. He recovered and is currently on rehab for regaining his movement and speech. (this latter part is written so that the reader isn’t alarmed )
But this incident has brought about some learning for me in life.
- No anxiety in life will come close to the anxiety of losing a loved one.
You can be anyone in this world. But to want to live in this world you need connections. As you grow you build more connections and deepen the ones you have. But none of us ever imagine losing them. And even if you do, you know it is just imagination
This incident made me realize how much I trivialise the value of life, mine and others. Life is valuable and it is valuable only and only if you value the life of others.
2. Always remember names.
After three days of ICU my father was put up in the private ward for 5 days. I was responsible for the hospital duty. I realized that it is vital to humanise people. I asked all the maids, nurses, and ward boys their names. I asked them about their duties and always made sure I called them with their name.
This gave me several added advantages. My father was treated very well. And they were somehow a company for me during my stay there. As I had to stay there the longest. As a talkative human being, I cannot live without speaking to someone every day about mundane nonsense.
And since I couldn’t find the strength to read books, human conversations were all I had. They helped me more with the conversation alongwith helping my father with their duties towards him.
3. Family is everything.
God has blessed my family with love so deep that we gather the courage in the harshest of times, put our differences aside and function like a big supportive chain of command.
There is nothing most of my generation understands about having a supportive family.
When you give support only then you receive it back.
4. Money is nothing
While it is vital to be financially stable, money will not help you lead a happy life.
When you are building emotional attachments and connections, only that makes life smooth. Money makes life smooth materially and never ever emotionally — which is equally if not more important.
5. The strength inner power
There is something inside all of us that wakes up in times of crisis and takes over. It helps you fight the crisis and also overcome it. I don’t know what if is. But it is definitely the opposite of your ego and identity. So you cannot call it courage or any other adjective or verb or noun. It is just something that is there.
I would like to call it your inner electricity which charges up.
I say it is opposite of ego, because I have forgotten who I am or was during this whole incident. I have memory of my life very vividly. But the fact that I had an identity as a “reader” or “chocolate hater” or “music lover" or “passionate about current affairs" not only seems trivial but seems almost a nothing.
It seems life is far more deeper than all these hats we wear of our identity. I don’t know what it is though.
6. No fear
I no longer fear what people will think of me. I figured if you keep your head down, doing what you do and want to so your “critics' and your “fans” stop mattering. It is almost like you no longer want your life to be validated, because it is not some train ticket.
It is your life.
Critics and fans come and go, but you are going to remain with yourself. So it is wiser to focus on that.
So stop fretting the small stuff and be compassionate.
Live like you are going to be with yourself for a long time even after you are gone. So remember to live consciously and never become a victim to your own self-pity or narcissism.
Find the balance. That is what I am trying to do.
