Unconventional success

In the times of recession and mass layoffs, I am also riddled with uncertainty, bouts of anxiety and worries of the future.

Yet, today on my walk to the train station from work I was reminded of an unconventional successful person in my life: My Father In Law.

Why unconventional?

My father-in-law is the eldest of five brothers. He was someone who had to forego his education early on so that he can join his father in supporting the family. This is the story of most older siblings across India.

So after completing his schooling till 10th grade, he did odd jobs like an accountant at a saree shop and usher at a movie hall. He later moved to Mumbai, Maharashtra from Aarni, Tamil Nadu and shared a space with many other migrants like him. He worked as a typist at a lawyer’s office and then quit as he found that job too stressful.

He changed jobs a bit more until he landed a position as a sales executive at Vora soaps in the city. They were suppliers to Godrej and he used to make frequent visits to Godrej offices.

Finally one day Vora soaps shut down their operations. And he informed this to Godrej. They asked him to apply for a position with them, which he did.

But unfortunately after a few years of joining he met with an accident and had to remain in bed for six months. Godrej still paid his salary for that period and made sure his position was open for him to return.

They provided him a housing quarter near the office and he stayed there until he retired.

But this just talks about his career trajectory. Met with loads of ups and downs. What makes him a real success? His resilience and will.

Just before he got married, he was living in a rented room in Mumbai where there wasnt a proper floor, or even running tap water. Once the landlord came in and asked him if he wanted water or have the floor and walls done properly. He went with water as a choice as that was more essential.

After his both sons were born, he moved to another place which had regular power cuts every Friday. My Mother In Law would sweetly recollect those Fridays and told me those were the evenings where the four of them would sit outside the home and he would sing songs for his sons. My husband and his brother would then keep asking my father in law to keep singing or make requests.

Resilience. Love. And positivity.

His life was not the one without struggles. He has faced theft multiple times. When a struggling man is cheated or stolen from it hurts harder. Doesn’t mean he wasn’t ever bitter. He probably should be, anyone in his place would have been the same.

While he struggled, he didn’t make it big in the conventional sense. He never had multiple properties. He has barely traveled across the country. In fact he bought a proper home only after his eldest son, my husband, began earning. As it was getting hard for him to secure a home loan at his age.

But what about him now? My father in law is one of the few older people whom I know can sit on the floor and still sleeps on the floor. Someone who wakes up at 5:30am everyday to do his morning prayers. Someone who does a 70 minute walk (in two phases) everyday. Someone who reminisces the past struggles and talks about it with love now.

And someone who had to pick up a second language as an adult when he moved cities.

For me he is successful in the unconventional sense. He made it against all odds. In the eyes of the world conventional success is someone who makes it big against all odds. And the definition of “big” is always quantified with wealth.

But for me making it “big” means making it big to a level where even though life threw far too many curveballs, you made it with positive memories. You made it to tell the story and with health that only very occasionally takes him to the hospital because of diabetes (story of most old Indian men).

You made it with love in your heart. That is success.

These days everyone loses love for life quickly in the face of hardships. We forget the past or call it regression when it doesn’t apply to current “trends”.

But love is what takes us till the end. Love not for self, but love for family, for the great good and for life itself.

And for this I am grateful. My father-in-law’s struggles paid off big in the form of successes of his sons. It has also paid off big for me as I have a husband who is disciplined, loving, caring and humble. Values he picked up from his father.

While the world was unfair to him, he was always fair with his family. For this the recession, lay offs and other current uncertainties don’t scare me. As I know life will pick up pace when it has to. We just have to be patient and loving.

Thank you, Appa!